22. The Invisible Man

In life as in music, transitions can be difficult, scary, and sometimes messy. Without conflict or flaws, there would be little drama. You may have noticed that I avoid discussing my personal life in a public forum. That silence is intentional. Yet sometimes that silence which appears so calm, actually masks a deeper disturbance we are seeking to avoid confronting, as in the proverbial calm before a storm.

I currently have 263 typewritten journal pages which attest to the fact that I'm a guy who likes to read about, think about, and talk about the deeper hidden meaning of things, (religious, philosophical, psychological or what have you) which many people consider silly and do their very best to avoid. In dealing with that avoidance I found myself relying more and more on my books, writing and music for fresh input and companionship. Musically, I continued to write, record and occasionally perform, but it was the solitary journey of an outsider putting one foot in front of the other to maintain a thread that got little, if any outward acknowledgement.

I composed in my usual variety of musical styles during that period, ending with a piano piece called Butterfly which arose rather spontaneously as an expression of what I was feeling. Butterfly marked the end of the life I had known, and a mysterious new beginning which would continue to manifest itself in music yet to come.... I can't help bringing my life to my music in some form. But sometimes you have to read between the lines.